Kaelri

Dear Senator Jim Alesi,

I know you must be going through a stressful time right now. A situation like this always brings with it a great deal of expense, adversity, and media scrutiny. And maybe it’s not my place to be a Monday-morning quarterback. But in the interest of averting future calamity, I wanted to take a few minutes to suggest several points where an alternative decision may save you some grief.

1. If you would like to tour a house that’s up for sale, start by calling the owners, or the real estate agency – their number is usually printed on a sign in the front yard. (Reading this sign is also a good way to learn that the house has already been sold.) If the owners are home, try knocking on the front door. If not, come back later.
2. If you are unable to contact the owners, do not attempt to open the front door.
3. If the front door is locked, you should take it as a strong indication that the house is not open to the public.
4. If the basement door is unlocked, it does not mean that the front door was just kidding.
5. If, once inside, you discover that the house does not have stairs, the building is probably under construction. If you are not a qualified construction worker, it may not be safe for you to proceed.
6. Before mounting a utility ladder, try to secure it using a rope or heavy object, and bring footwear with good traction on the soles.
7. If the homeowners choose not to sue you for trespassing after you break your leg falling from a utility ladder in their basement, appropriate expressions of gratitude include writing a letter, baking cookies, or paying to have your blood cleaned from their floor. A lawsuit is not an appropriate expression of gratitude.
8. If you would still like to maintain the barest veneer of innocence, do not file your lawsuit on the same day that the statute of limitations runs out on your trespassing charge.
9. If you decide to ignore any or all of the above recommendations, do not expect to continue a career in professional politics.

Wishing you a speedy recovery from your monumental shortsightedness,

ME

Another Google Earth oddity. (43°17’32.05″ N 79°16’44.92″ W)